Love Is Pain

Love is pain and pain is love. You are worth my pain because i love you
.
i thought i could do this. and i thought that i could grow emotionless.
i thought i could learn to be heartless.
but, i was wrong. i’ve grown attached with every smile and every touch. every word that comes from your lips is drawn in like a mental note in my head.
I just need someone by my side, showing me care and love. That’s all.
still love you with every piece of my heart. I’m still wondering why you overlook it, I wonder what I did wrong, that makes you hurt me. I’m still hoping that one day it will be fine.
It is crazy to think how different your life would be if you never met those few people that changed everything.

Pain Cannot Be Overlooked

It’s so hard to forget pain, but it’s even harder to remember sweetness. We have no scar to show for happiness. We learn so little from peace.
Numbing the pain for a while will make it worse when you finally feel it.
I think you still love me, but we cant escape the fact that I’m not enough for you.
I knew this was going to happen. So am not blaming you for falling in love with another woman.
Am not angry either. I should be, but am not. I just feel pain. A lot of pain. I thought I could imagine how much this would hurt, but I was wrong.
Turn your wounds into wisdom.
People are afraid of themselves, of their own reality; their feelings most of all.
People talk about how great love is, but that’s funny cause,Love hurts. Feelings are disturbing.
Some people taught that pain is evil and dangerous. How can they deal with love if they’re afraid to feel?
Pain is meant to wake us up, People try to hide their pain.
Pain is something to carry, like a radio. You feel your strength in the experience of pain. Its all in how you carry it. That’s what matters.
Pain is a feeling. Your feelings are a part of you. Your own reality. If you feel ashamed of them, and hide them, you’re letting society destroy your reality. You should stand up for your right to feel your pain.
If pain must come, may it come quickly. Because I have a life to live, and I need to live it in the best way possible.
If he has to make a choice, may he make it now. Then I will either wait for him or forget him.
You think your pain and your heartbreak are unprecedented in the history of the world, but then you read.
It was books that taught me that the things that tormented me most were the very things that connected me with all the people who were alive, or who had ever been alive.
The worst part of holding the memories is not the pain. It’s the loneliness of it. Memories need to be shared.
There are wounds that never show on the body that are deeper and more hurtful than anything that bleeds.
It has been said, ‘time heals all wounds.’ I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone.

Love really hurts you? check this out

Love is painful, because it creates the way for joy, for bliss and for compassion.
Love is painful, because it transforms you. Love is growth.
Love itself does not hurt. It is growth that hurts, the ego that stings.
Each transformation is painful because the old situation is being left behind for the new. For example, when a relationship ends we feel hurt, our hopes and dreams have crashed and we feel lost and lonely, wondering what comes next.
Fear arises because the unknown is in front of us, and the mind usually assumes the negative, saying things like, “I’ll never meet anyone else,” “I’m too old/overweight/unattractive” or “I don’t have time for a new relationship.” The temptation is to shut down, open that bag of potato chips, pour that glass of wine, turn on the TV and give up on love.
These are six ways to help you face this challenge and keep your heart open, so that you can have the abundance of love that you want and deserve.
1. Understand The Real Problem :The real problem is the mind. Fear lives in the mind, and the mind wants you to hang on to a situation that is known and comfortable for you.
The ego-mind resists change because it is afraid of losing control and feels insecure about the unpredictability of the unknown.
Love means the death of the ego, because love cannot be controlled, it can only be received and accepted.
Love is fragile. One day it is there, the next day it may be gone — like the wind. We cannot grasp the wind in our fist; we can only enjoy and appreciate it while it is there. With this awareness,be patient with love, and it will grow and expand.
2. Practice Gratitude: A gratitude practice is of tremendous help with all matters of the heart. For example, when that relationship ends, be grateful for the good times you shared, for what this person gave you with their energy, time and heart.
Thank them for being in your life, and wish them well as they move on to what’s next for them. When you hold this person with love in your heart, even though they may be the one breaking up with you and even if they’ve already met someone else, you are healing yourself.
It’s love that heals your broken heart. By refusing to shut your heart down, and by facing the hurt and fear, you are able to receive all the love you need to heal and move on.
3. Surround Yourself With Loving Friends and Family At a difficult time when you are, for example, going through a divorce or a difficult breakup, your youngest child has left for college or you feel betrayed by a friend, it’s important to keep your heart open to receiving love and support from friends and family.
Life doesn’t always seem fair, but love is always there, available for us; we just have to be open to receiving it. Be careful not to expect support from people who have nothing to give or who do not wish you well.
Avoid them, and focus on the people you know do love you. Sometimes a professional counsellor can be just the right fit if family and friends are too overwhelmed with their own lives.
4. Take Responsibility for How You Interpret Your Situation Bring loving awareness to yourself, and be careful not to judge yourself or compare yourself with others.
You have a choice between experiencing resentment, pain and suffering or love, peace and joy. It all depends on your interpretation of the situation.
Do you perceive yourself as a victim? Or, can you accept the situation -which doesn’t mean you have to like it – for what it is, and receive the blessing that is often revealed later on.
What if you created this very situation so that you could continue to grow and expand in love?
By taking the responsibility on your own shoulders, you are having integrity — which ends well for you — then you discover strength and wisdom inside you that you didn’t know you had!
5. Watch the Mind For the mind, love is a dangerous path. The mind will advise you to avoid love, but this is even more dangerous, because love is the central core of our lives. A life without love is a life that is withered and dried up.
It is because of the pain of love that millions live a loveless life — like a rotten seed that has never opened to flower to it’s fullest potential.
If you don’t go into love, as many people have decided, then you are stuck with your bags of potato chips! Then, your life is a stagnant pool.
You need to keep the energy flowing, like a river that keeps on flowing to the ocean.
6. Always Choose Love Always choose love because even though there is pain, to suffer in love is not to suffer in vain; it takes you to higher levels of consciousness.
There is a positive, creative outcome for you. If you choose the mind you will also suffer, but it will be useless suffering with an unproductive outcome.
Life will be dull, and you will become neurotic from lack of love. To be afraid of love and to be afraid of the growing pains of love is to remain enclosed in a dark cell.
The transformation we all go through is from control of the mind to vulnerability of the heart, and the agony can be deep.
But, you cannot have ecstasy without going through agony. If the gold wants to be purified, it has to pass through fire.
Love is fire.
Find your courage and love, fully and completely. Trust and live in your heart.
Love takes you from the head to the heart and nurtures, comforts and heals you even as you pass through the fire.
With love, the ego drops and the soul arises. Love is food for the soul.
You can ask yourself, “Is this pain for my growth?” “Is my heart breaking open to give and receive even more love?”
Every time your heart breaks open, yes, it’s painful, but it means your heart is expanding and deepening. The pain is productive.
Learn from each experience, watch the ego and choose love. Go through the dark night and you reach a beautiful sunrise.
It is only in the womb of the dark night that the sun evolves. It is only through the dark night that the morning comes.

Ten little Acts in a Relationship That Are Actually a Really Huge Deal

There is an important distinction to be made in relationships between people who pay attention to detail, and people who don’t. The first type are people who don’t usually go all-out on the big things like extravagant gifts or getaways for special occasions, but they don’t do small things like take care of you while you are sick or go to pick up a prescription at CVS.
People who do pay attention to details, however, are the ones who you can trust to stand by your side and weather the storm. These are the types of people who understand that the small things count the most because those are the things you do for someone simply because you love them, with no special occasion required.
So, then, what are some examples of these smaller romantic acts that, in reality, speak volumes?
1. Write love notes.
I know, we’re not in high school anymore… but all the more reason that nobody would expect to open a small piece of paper with “I miss you” or “I love you” written on it. It’s free, easy, and can be left anywhere to surprise him or her. A surefire way to put a smile on his face.
I know from experience how amazing it feels to have your significant other do something like this for you.
2. Listen.
In a healthy relationship, each partner relies on the other for love, guidance, and advice. Sometimes, just taking the time to genuinely listen to what she has to say, and not saying anything at all — will say more to her than your words ever could.
Particularly for the guys: If a woman is complaining to you, remember that it means she trusts you enough to express her feelings to you. Don’t betray that trust.
3. Do that thing he or she wants to do.
Whether it is watching a TV show your significant other enjoys, going to see the musical you’re not really into, or trying that new restaurant with the cuisine you don’t really care for — do it anyway (and have a good attitude about it).
Relationships are about compromise, which means at times we do things we wouldn’t normally do in order to make the person we care about happy. They will appreciate your effort and enjoy the experience even more because they get to share it with you.
4. Send a good morning text.
A text that starts your partner’s day on a good note doesn’t just say “good morning”, it says “you are the first person I thought of when I woke up this morning.”
5. Do what you say you’re going to do. Be reliable.
Reliability, how boring. Reliability is the reason you buy a Toyota Corolla, not excitement. It’s not glamorous or sexy or particularly interesting — but you know what? When you walk outside in the morning and turn the key you know that sucker is going to start up without a flinch no matter how much it has been through.
A great romantic partner is someone you can count on without having to worry about it. You know they are going to be there for you when you need it. You know they are going to stand behind you when you need support, beside you when you need a teammate, and in front of you when you need protection. You don’t have to wonder if they are going to do what they said they are going to do or if they are going to flake out on you last minute, because they are reliable.
6. Pay close attention and react accordingly. Be thoughtful.
In relationships and in life, I believe many of us overlook the importance of thoughtfulness. Life moves quickly and we often get so wrapped up in our day-to-day routines that we lose sight of how important it is to work to make our significant other happy as well. This includes learning one another’s likes and dislikes, supporting each other during difficult times, and encouraging each other during the good times.
It includes paying attention to small details and doing special things accordingly that we know each other will like. Being thoughtful helps us live, connect and love more deeply with others.
7. Be patient with your partner.
Patience is an essential trait in someone we hope to build a strong relationship with. It takes patience to learn about each other and our personality differences.
It takes patience to adjust, and to remain kind while they adjust. It takes patience to have productive discussions rather than arguments.
Patience is something that only we can feel — others may notice it but if you do it right, nobody will actually know you are even being patient because you remain so calm and collected the entire time.
Take a deep breath, and allow life to unfold as it should.
8. Be honest.
This is another big one. It may not seem like it, because honesty should be a quality that you express towards everyone in your daily life — but being honest with a man or woman you care about will show that you respect them enough to be straight up.
Choose your words carefully, don’t express your honesty in a way that would hurt feelings, but make sure your partner knows that they will get a straight answer when they come to you for one, no matter what it’s about.
9. Make your partner feel safe.
This is not about physical safe-ness, but also emotional safe-ness. Just because men enjoy the feeling of physically protecting the woman they love from harm, doesn’t mean they don’t need to feel safe in their own ways as well.
Some men find it more difficult than others to emotionally open up and express themselves. In order to do so, they need to know they are not going to be judged for their feelings. Safety, in all uses of the word, is important for both partners to feel.
10. Always be willing to compromise.
While of course you should be compatible with your teammate, that doesn’t mean that you will automatically love every single thing they love, and vice versa. If you truly care for someone and their happiness, you will be willing to watch, do, see, and experience things they enjoy, as they would do for you in return.
Without compromise, we can easily find our relationships resembling a see-saw with a huge boulder on one side, the distribution never shifts.
In this case, the boulder represents the wants and needs of one partner. There should be an equal amount of balance in order to keep you both happy and satisfied.
Satisfaction and fulfilment in a relationship can only come from forging a strong bond with another. When your hearts beat in unison at night and your thoughts transfer through a simple glance across the room. When you find that, you will understand the small everyday gestures that build this bond are the most important ones of all.
As Robert Brault said: Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things.

True Talks

True love makes you do things you never imagine or thought of doing. You can reach to a point of breaking principles,learning how to sacrifice. It can also make you learn how to apologise, how to care, how to appreciate and even know how to compliment.
True love can shape you into a better person, it can make you learn different things i.e a new language if both of you are not from the same country or tribe, it can also make you grow healthy.
If you have some one who truely loves you, love and appreciate that person in return. Such people are a rare gem. Accept the positive change they bring to your life.
I Can’t Promise To Solve All
Your Problems,
I Can Only Promise,
That I’ll Never Let You Face Them
Alone..
“I can’t promise you the world,
But I can try to give you a happy life.
I can’t promise you, I will never
make a mistakes,
But I can try the best i can.
I can’t promise you that I’ll catch you
everytime you fall,
But I can try to always be close by so I
can help you backup.
I won’t promise 2be ur frnd 4ever
bcz I won’t live that long.
But let me b ur frnd as long as I live.
If one day u feel like crying, call me.
I can’t promise to make u laugh,
but I’ll b cry with u.
Some Life Facts….
Friendship is not about who you spend the most time with, it’s about who you have the best time with.
The more you talk about that person to others, the more you fall in love with that person.
Sometimes the eyes can say more than the mouth.
Depression is often the result of over thinking, our minds create problems that initially didn’t exist.
People with socially awkward personalities tend to be more loyal to their friends and faithful when in a relationship.
A person generally hates you for 3 reasons:
1) They want to be you.
2) They hate themselves.
3) They see you as a threat.
When y0u truly care F0r s0me0ne, y0u don’t look for faults, you don’t look for answers, you don’t look for mistakes, instead , you fight the mistakes.. Y0u accept the faults, and 0verlook the excuses.. The measure of love is when you love without measure..
There are rare chances that y0u will meet the pers0n y0u love and who loves you in return…
S0 0nce y0u have it, don’t ever let q0… The chance might never c0me y0ur way again
WHAT MAKES A WOMAN SEXY:
1. “Kissable lips”
The kind that makes the man torn between paying attention to what she is saying or kissing her while in the middle of a conversation
2. “A touchy back”
The kind that invites him. How a lady walks, bends, sits is something she can teach herself. The female back should be one that calls out for his touch whether she wears a bare back, a blouse or a blazer
3. “A decorated voice”
Speech and the way she breathes while talking makes a woman sexy. Her tone and adorned way of saying words makes him want to call her phone, hook up with her, have pillow talks with her or just listen
4. “A strong self esteem”
A woman can be shy or bold; but if she has a strong self esteem, that makes her sexy. She looks at herself and sees sexiness. A woman who doesn’t see her beauty or puts herself down is unattractive. It’s not about being full of pride or conceit, but knowing your beauty and value
5. “Decent dressing”
Some think dressing semi nude or showing every skin to every one and anyone makes one sexy. Revealing too much makes people lust after you and use you but to be sexy should be a special thing. A man should see you and want to unveil, not just to sleep with you but to know you, have you, keep you and hide all that sexiness to himself. A woman decently dressed not only evokes a sexy vibe but commands respect
6. “Exciting dressing”
It’s not enough to dress just decent, decent doesn’t mean boring. Whether she wears first hand clothes or second hand, whether her wardrobe is full or with few choices; she should wear in a way that excites visually. She can choose a long fitting dress, a stylish top, a just-enough slitted skirt, an alluring sweater, yummy lingerie; and look good!
7. “Self love”
A woman who loves herself is super sexy. She takes care of her body, monitors her health, eats right, sprays nice perfumes, works out; not primarily for the man, but for herself, the special man only gets to enjoy the byproduct of the love she has for herself
8. ‘Faithfulness”
Sexiness is divided into three: the outside sexiness which is visible for all to see in her; the unfolding sexiness which she progressively reveals to the man who is making progress to winning her heart; and the inner sexiness which she fully and wholly reveals the most private, kinky, most intimate and most passionate self to the man who completely has her heart. Both the unfolding and the inner sexiness should be exclusive. She being faithful to that one man heightens her sexiness. Sexiness is special when its rare
9. ‘A playful nature”
Sexiness is like a dance, a stimulant. She should have that suggestive laughter, undressing eyes, wild stare, teasing tendencies; sexiness doesn’t come out when you’re uptight
10. “Her right view about sex”
Yes, a woman may have been hurt by matters sex in the past, maybe raped, or maybe scared to let a man approach her intimate side. Whatever negative thoughts she may have acquired she should un learn them. A woman who has already sentenced sexiness to be an evil and dirty thing, robbing her the beauty of her sexiness is not attractive
11. “Her unique romance”
Every lady has her unique way of romancing; some could be how she whispers, the words she uses, the little surprises she plans, her touch; a woman must know how best to turn on and express her sexiness
12. “Highlighting her best assets”
Almost all ladies love every part of their body; but there are special parts that stand out: it could be her boobs, her butt, her hips, her eyes, her hair, her feet, her waist. The lady should be aware of her best assets and flaunt them
13. “The right perfume”
The sweeter her scent, the more he is pulled to her
14. “The friends she keeps”
A sexy woman who hangs around women of good morals is more sexy than one whose closest friends are cheats, gossips, flirts and husband snatchers
15. “Her character”
Physical sexiness gets the attention of a man, but character makes him want to keep her as a whole. Sexiness is not just in looking good but being good. A woman who is loving, respectful, full of life, understanding and beautiful inside makes the man want her more
16.”Her courage to talk about sex”
There are women who find sex as a taboo to talk about even with her man/husband. This is a major turn off. The man wants to engage his woman freely, to tell her she is sexy and not feel like he has done an abomination, to talk intimate stuff with her, to have private sex talks with her where they can talk openly about their thoughts on sex, preferences, contraceptives, fantasies; without any no go zones
17. “Her surrender to her desires”
A wife who is not ashamed to initiate sex from her husband is such a turn on. Men love being seduced, so it’s a wonderful gift when the woman who seduces him is his
18. “Her desire to please and learn”
A woman who is not selfish is sexy. She also tells her man that he is sexy, when her hubby is making love to her, she makes love to him too. It’s not just about her. She doesn’t say ‘It’s solely the man’s role to initiate sex, lead sex and take me on a high” She encourages her hubby to please her but also learns his body because she wants to please him too
19. “Her mind”
A smart woman is super sexy. She opens up her lips and intelligences flows out, she is a wonder, she is the kind he wants to be around and explore
Women are the most wonderful creature I have seen on Earth, but am yet to understand why some men are busy finding faults upon faults on them.
Ok, lets look at them this way and tell me if am lying.
(1) Women are the only creature that can
change their original surname just for the sake of love.
(2) They are most easiest creature to convince.
(3)They are the only creature that loves from the
bottom of their hearts.
(4) They are the creature that
can prefer to go to bed with an empty stomach, just
to make sure that their children feeds well.
(5) They are the only creature on Earth that cries
very easily, just to expose their inward disposition.
(6) They are always awake even at the dead of the
night just to make sure that their children are
protected.
(7) They can even sell out their cloths just to buy
food for their children, and also see them smiling.
(8) They are always ready to sacrifice their lives just
to save the lives of their children.
(9) They are
always in the kitchen inhaling the smoke without
complaining, just to prepare something for their
children and husband to eat.
(10) They are the only creature that can abandon
their biological family and start up a new home with
a stranger.
(11) Even when they are battling with
the pains of pregnancy, yet, they are busy looking after their husbands and children.
If you were cheated on, dumped for no
good reason, brokenhearted by that special
person who was your everything, who
taught you what love is, whom you cared
for so much, who meant the world to
you… don’t feel so low because you’re not alone. Cry as much as you can but when
you’re done ask yourself these few
questions. Why I am crying now? Was I
meant to cry? If h/she was the right person
for me now why did he or she make me cry
and even leave me for no good reason? Does he or she fail to sleep and eat just
like me or s/he is out there having fun with
other new people? Is that person stressed
like me? Does h/she feel any pain just like
me? Does that person miss me at all? After
answering all those questions then get down on your kneels and pray to God to
make you be strong and to help you find
someone who will love you genuinely with
no limitations, pretense, peer pressure and
even with a mission. God will help you find
you someone who will erase away that pain in your heart. Who will appreciate
everything you will sacrifice for him or her,
someone who will feel your love and care.
So for now stop over calling, texting,
pleading and crying for your heartless ex
because you are just wasting your time. You’re just a laughing matter to him or her
and even the friends. He or she is having
fun out there and dating other new
people. Just try to live your life. You will
get over that pain with time and you will
find someone who is worthy your heart. Trust me One day your ex will also miss
you, h/she will try to contact you and even
to ask you for forgiveness but it will be
late for him or her. Relax for now; don’t
rush to fall in love again. Give yourself
time, know yourself better; enjoy the stress free single life as you’re preparing
for someone better. You’ll be happy again
LET ME SPEAK TO THOSE IN A HEART
BREAKING
RELATIONSHIP
It hurts so much when You tried to
love Someone
but they take you for granted.
You
tried to bear all
their bullshit and crap but now
they’re paying
you with replacing you with
someone else.
You’ve
tried to love and care about them
but they don’t
see any value in all you have done.
You have
risked your life in many things and
you
have sacrificed every little thing of
yours just to
see them
happy but all that means nothing to
them.
You
have
tried to be patient with them for so
long but now
they are
dumping you for someone else. You
always cry
and ask for
their attention but they seem not to
care.
Your life
is so
miserable now but they don’t give a
damn of how
you feel. Your now feeling like you
are at the end
of the world and that you have bad
luck in love.
I wanna encourage you today. That’s
not the end
of the
journey of your life.
You still have a
long way to
go and you will
meet very many new people.
What
you’re going
through right
now is just a lesson to make you
strong and to
prepare you
for the next person.
Trust me you’ll
be happy
again, you’ll
find someone else who’ll love and
care about you,
who’ll
appreciate all your efforts and who
see your value
and appreciate them.
God will help you find someone else
who’ll be
having fear of
losing you, hurting you and that
person will be
willing to
make a family with you. Be strong
my dear, you’ll
get over
that pain.
One of the main problems of most relationship is lack of trust! When an a partner breaks the trust, it becomes very difficult to believe them again. Once that sets in the relationship gradually go upside down. Trust is what makes a relationship meaningful without trust, love is pointless. Its just like building a castle in the air!
In order to build the foundation of trust in your relationship, try to be honest! Though atimes its difficult but try to remain honest, try not to lie. Keep your promises dont be an erring partner. Make sure you always show that you care, be responsible. If you are the type that dresses indecent, drinks, flirt and so on. Dont except your partner to trust you.

Love Quotes

“You know you’re in love when you can’t fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.” -Dr. Seuss
“Love is the condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own.” – Robert Heinlein
“The art of love… is largely the art of persistence.” -Albert Ellis
“For you see, each day I love you more, today more than yesterday and less than tomorrow.” -Rosemonde Gerard
“For it was not into my ear you whispered, but into my heart. It was not my lips you kissed, but my soul.” -Judy Garland
“If I could be anything in the world I would want to be a teardrop because I would be born in your eyes, live on your cheeks, and die on your lips.” -Author Unknown
“Love is something eternal; the aspect may change, but not the essence.” -Vincent van Gogh
“A life without love is like a year without summer.” -Swedish Proverb
“Love is a promise, love is a souvenir, once given never forgotten, never let it disappear.” -John Lennon
“A true lover always feels in debt to the one he loves.” -Ralph W. Sockman
“Love is a symbol of eternity. It wipes out all sense of time, destroying all memory of a beginning and all fear of an end.” -Author Unknown
“Trip over love, you can get up. Fall in love and you fall forever.” -Author Unknown
“Anyone can catch your eye, but it takes someone special to catch your heart.” -Author Unknown
“Love is a smoke made with the fume of sighs.” -William Shakespeare
“Love is just a word until someone comes along and gives it meaning.” -Author Unknown
“The minute I heard my first love story I started looking for you, not knowing how blind that was. Lovers don’t finally meet somewhere. They’re in each other all along.” -Jalal ad-Din Rumi
“Life’s greatest happiness is to be convinced we are loved.” -Victor Hugo
“Love is the only gold.” -Lord Alfred Tennyson
“To love is to receive a glimpse of heaven.” -Karen Sunde
“Oh, if it be to choose and call thee mine, love, thou art every day my Valentine!” -Thomas Hood
“When love is not madness, it is not love.” -Pedro Calderon de la Barca
“Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.” -Albert Einstein
“Many are the starrs I see, but in my eye no starr like thee.” -English saying used on poesy rings
“Loving is not just looking at each other, it’s looking in the same direction.” -Antoine de Saint-Exupery

Love Is Life

Love is the best antidepressants—but many of our ideas about it are wrong. The less love you have, the more depressed you are likely to feel.
Love is as critical for your mind and body as oxygen. It’s not
negotiable. The more connected you are, the healthier you will be both
physically and emotionally. The less connected you are, the more you are
at risk.
It is also true that the less love you have, the more depression
you are likely to experience in your life. Love is probably the best
antidepressantthere is because one of the most common sources of
depressionis feeling unloved. Most depressed people don’t love
themselves and they do not feel loved by others. They also are very
self-focused, making them less attractive to others and depriving them of
opportunities to learn the skills of love.
There is a mythology in our culture that love just happens. As a
result, the depressed often sit around passively waiting for someone to
love them. But love doesn’t work that way. To get love and keep love you
have to go out and be active and learn a variety of specific
skills.
Most of us get our ideas of love from popular culture. We come to
believe that love is something that sweeps us off our feet. But the
pop-culture ideal of love consists of unrealistic images created for
entertainment, which is one reason so many of us are set up to be
depressed. It’s part of our national vulnerability, like eating junk
food, constantly stimulated by images of instant gratification. We think
it is love when it’s simply distraction and infatuation.
One consequence is that when we hit real love we become upset and
disappointed because there are many things that do not fit the cultural
ideal. Some of us get demanding and controlling, wanting someone else to
do what we think our ideal of romance should be, without realizing our
ideal is misplaced.
It is not only possible but necessary to change one’s approach to
love to ward off depression. Follow these action strategies to get more
of what you want out of life—to love and be loved.
*.Recognize the difference between limerance and love. Limerance is
the psychological state of deep infatuation. It feels good but rarely
lasts. Limerance is that first stage of mad attraction whereby all the
hormonesare flowing and things feel so right. Limerance lasts, on
average, six months. It can progress to love. Love mostly starts
out as limerance, but limerance doesn’t always evolve into love.
*.Know that love is a learned skill, not something that comes from
hormones or emotion particularly. Erich Fromm called it “an act of will.”
If you don’t learn the skills of love you virtually guarantee that you
will be depressed, not only because you will not be connected enough but
because you will have many failure experiences.
*.Learn good communication skills. They are a means by which you
develop trust and intensify connection. The more you can communicate the
less depressed you will be because you will feel known and
understood.
There are always core differences between two people, no matter how
good or close you are, and if the relationship is going right those
differences surface. The issue then is to identify the differences and
negotiate them so that they don’t distance you or kill the
relationship.
You do that by understandingwhere the other person is coming from,
who that person is, and by being able to represent yourself. When the
differences are known you must be able to negotiate and compromise on
them until you find a common ground that works for both.
*.Focus on the other person. Rather than focus on what you are
getting and how you are being treated, read your partner’s need. What
does this person really need for his/her own well-being? This is a very
tough skill for people to learn in our narcissisticculture. Of course,
you don’t lose yourself in the process; you make sure you’re also doing
enough self-care.
*.Help someone else. Depression keeps people so focused on
themselves they don’t get outside themselves enough to be able to learn
to love. The more you can focus on others and learn to respond and meet
their needs, the better you are going to do in love.
*.Develop the ability to accommodate simultaneous reality. The
loved one’s reality is as important as your own, and you need to be as
aware of it as of your own. What are they really saying, what are they
really needing? Depressed people think the only reality is their own
depressed reality.
*.Actively dispute your internal messages of inadequacy.
Sensitivity to rejection is a cardinal feature of depression. As a
consequence of low self-esteem, every relationship blip is interpreted
far too personally as evidence of inadequacy. Quick to feel rejected by a
partner, you then believe it is the treatment you fundamentally deserve.
But the rejection really originates in you, and the feelings of
inadequacy are the depression speaking.
Recognize that the internal voice is strong but it’s not real. Talk
back to it. “I’m not really being rejected, this isn’t really evidence of
inadequacy. I made a mistake.” Or “this isn’t about me, this is something
I just didn’t know how to do and now I’ll learn.” When you reframe the
situation to something more adequate, you can act again in an effective
way and you can find and keep the love that you need.

Femi Adesina has been appointed As Special Adviser On Media And Publicity By Buhari

Less than 10 days to the inauguration of his administration, the President-elect, Muhammadu Buhari, may have made his first official appointment by naming the Managing Director and Editor-in-Chief of The Sun newspapers, Mr. Femi Adesina, as his Special Adviser (SA) on Media and Publicity.
Adesina’s appointment, though yet to be formally announced, is said to have been concluded but merely waiting for some formality before the official announcement.
Already, the management of The Sun Newspaper, it was gathered, is concluding plans to re-organise its management structure following Adesina’s impending departure.
Adesina was recently re-elected as the President of the Nigerian Guild of Editors (NGE) for another term of two years.
The NGE president was returned unopposed at the 2015 bi-ennial convention of the Guild which held in Lagos by his colleagues, most of whom described his tenure as the “best the Guild has ever had.”
With his new appointment, Adesina also becomes the second person to be so appointed while serving as the president of the Guild of Editors. The first person was the late Mrs. Remi Oyo, who was the SA, Media and Publicity to former President Olusegun Obasanjo.
A prolific writer and tested journalist, Adesina started his career at the Vanguard Newspapers as a features writer before later moving to the defunct National Concord Newspapers. He is a pioneer staff of The Sun newspaper where he became the editor, and later the managing director and editor-in-chief, a position he will be quitting for the new assignment.
As the president, Guild of Editors, Adesina fought for the rights and protection of journalists at every event or fora. In one of such events was a lecture organised by the Bank of Industry (BoI) where he advised the bank to find ways of encouraging media practitioners by giving them loans for the purpose of establishing businesses after retirement, pointing out that the media industry cannot afford to have more ‘veteran’ journalists.
Adesina in his presentation at the event titled: ‘‘The Media and BOI: Working Together’’ admonished Bol to patronise media houses, saying that they are not charitable organisations.
‘‘When you therefore have businesses, patronise them. If they are good enough for your press releases and other editorial items, they must also be good enough for your advertisements. Build a mutually rewarding relationship, including rendering investment support, as the journalists may require,” he said.
A seasoned and renowned journalist with over 28 years of experience in the industry, Adesina took The Sun to a new height. Under his leadership, the newspaper won several reputable awards.
In 2007, he was named the Editor of the Year by the Nigeria Media Merit Award.